Obstacles and Resistance

"You can't do that." "You'll never manage it." "You're too old / too young for that." "That's irresponsible." "You're being selfish." "It's far too risky."

I am convinced: anyone who has made a leap — into a different job, a new relationship, an unconventional way of life — will recognise these or similar words from people close to them, or not so close. And most people who are considering a change are afraid of hearing them.

Where does the motivation to judge other people's decisions come from?

Of course, anyone directly affected by a change deserves to express that. But most of the time we are confronted with comments and resistance from people whose lives will not change significantly because of what we do. The reason is simple:

When we behave differently from what is usual in our environment, from what is conventional, those around us experience it as criticism.

When we take our children out of school and let them learn freely, we are implicitly criticising the school system. When we change jobs, we are expressing that our previous work no longer satisfied us. By changing our own behaviour, we also change our immediate surroundings — and that is demanding for the people around us. Even when they are not directly affected, a break with the familiar always triggers a thought process in others. At best this leads to reflection on their own situation — at worst, these people put obstacles in our way, through criticism or concrete interference. The partner who sends hurtful messages for months after a separation and tries to manipulate the children you share. The uncle who cuts off contact because you sold the family home and used the money to travel. Such reactions are generally not within our power to prevent. But we can reconsider how we deal with obstacles and resistance. We can use resistance as an opportunity to understand and to grow.

Life is not about having no problems — it is about finding solutions to them.

A first step is to meet obstacles without resentment or bitterness. Whatever their origin, they do not disappear because we are angry about them. Most of the time we only understand in retrospect why we could not march straight toward our goal but had to take detours. Whatever the specific situation looks like, it ultimately comes down to using and developing our creativity to overcome what stands in our way.

This comes far more easily when we have chosen to make a change ourselves. Current global developments are forcing changes upon all of us that we did not choose. They affect everyone and call on our creativity. We can use this uncomfortable situation to our advantage and practise overcoming obstacles. Whether we have lost our job or are struggling internally against restrictions, whether fear of contagion or fear of authoritarianism is paralyzing us, whether working and schooling from home is overwhelming us or the constant dominance of these topics in daily life is wearing us down — we each have to find our own personal way of dealing with these obstacles.

This is only possible by engaging honestly with ourselves.

By analysing our fears, understanding them, and ultimately resolving them or finding a way to live with them. By discovering what truly matters to us. Where our passions lie. What excites us. What burdens us and drains our energy, what we no longer want to carry with us going forward. If we do not want to feel at the mercy of our circumstances, if we do not want to feel helpless, there is no way around this inner reckoning — so that we can experience ourselves as capable and self-determined. Even now. Especially now. The time is ripe for a new beginning.